My son is 4 years old.  He went to a daycare provider and she complained that he did not speak to her so she asked me to take him out of her daycare.

I noticed that if we go to a resteraunt my son will not answer the waitress back.  Now he is in JK and his teacher is saying that since September (he attends every other day and alternating Fridays) he has only whispered one word to her.

He is however not shy with children or family members.  He is actually the life of the party on his school bus and older kids are on it.

He is also very intelligent.  He just turned 4 and can read 12 words and can count to 100 and spell his name, etc.   He has a very big vocabulary so speech is not an issue.

He has been in daycare and since I am a social butterfly, I have always taken him to the park and I believe done everything to socialize him well, he takes swimming lessons and has two instructors.  Until this point he has been able to get along with not talking because he does what he is told well.

The teacher is saying that she can't access him because he won't answer.  I have asked him why he won't speak to adults and he say's that either he does not want to or he does not know them.  

This started well before I told him to be cautious around strangers.    He knows that I would like him to start speaking to his teacher but has chosen not to.

At resteraunts I ask him to answer the waitress when she asks him what drink he wants but he just looks down or stares at me. 

Please help!

 

I think that perhaps this is much ado about nothing.  While I can understand your trepidation with your child's silence, it doesn't sound like it is a mental issue.  You yourself have said that he has quite the vocabulary.  While I am no expert and don't pretend to be, as a parent of five children I think that you should just wait it out.  Little Junior will begin to interact with his teachers as he feels more comfortable doing so.  I think that trying to stimulate him to do this could backfire.  In the meantime, as long as he is learning what is taught and he is obeying his teacher's commands, then all is well and will progress in a natural order when it is ready.

 

The fact that he is social in any situation that he is comfortable, you are okay.  My son never answered anyone whom he didn't know, trust or like.  Maybe the teacher needs to clarify or rephrase her questions that can encourage him to speak. Ask her what kind of questions she is asking and her tone.  Sounds like stage fright.  Put him on a team club....swimming is individual....try a sport.  The teacher can't assess him, you know he is okay because you said he is bright and otherwise social. Have you asked your son why he doesn't answer the teacher?  Is she mean to other kids?  Don't worry about it.

I am having the same problem with our 4-year-old.  She was in a small daycare from 4 months to 3 years old and did fine there.  She talked to the daycare provider with no problem.  She has just started her third year of preschool and still will not speak to any of the teachers.

 She is fine with other children and is often the ring leader with them.  She is fine with our immediate family and her grandparents, but will not speak to any other adults (including my sister, who she loves).  She will smile, giggle, shake her head yeas and no, but that's it.

I wasn't too concerned about it until now.  She is getting stressed out at school because she can't (or won't) communicate with the adults.  The teachers forgot to call on her for her turn to use the restroom yesterday.  Instead of calling it to their attention, she held it all day.  I spoke to the teacher about it and she said at one point during the day my daughter was teary eyed because she clearly needed help rolling up her nap mat, but would not ask for help.

It's not a stranger-danger situation, and it's not a matter of not liking her teachers.  She says she is too shy to talk to them.  If you see her with a group of kids or at home, you would know she isn't shy.  I'm not sure what to do.

My son is 5 now and he was not talking to his teacher at waitresses at all.  By then end of the school year he was whispering to his teacher in her ear and nodding his head.   I believe he did say a few words to her but very quietly.  She came his positive feedback.

Recently he did start ordering his own drink at resteraunts (during this time) we had lots of family visiting us so our household was very busy.

As soon as these folks left, he stopped ordering his drinks again...I don't know if having so many visitors over really boosted his confidence or what.

He was also at a day camp with older sister during this time and the leaders were teenagers.   He may have started to feel very confident with them.

My son speaks to all our relatives and has many friends.  He is a total comedian and very well rounded.   I have exposed to him to many social situations, like playgroups and sports lessons.  He always talks to kids.

I was seeing a counsellor for myself and I mentioned my son.   My counsellor thought it was a type of anxiety.  I was watching Dateline (maybe Primetime) and they had a segment of "Selective Mutism" I think you should definitely look that up online but make sure you don't label your child just yet.

 

Good luck,

Kathie